What is wrong with me? Why am I so positive?
Through out my entire cancer journey with stage 4 breast cancer (all 6 months), I have been able to remain positive, minus a few days in my blue February. I sit here and wonder if positivity breeds positivity? Growing up my parents were positive and I wonder if I have been hard wired that way. I can’t think of anyone I really dislike, except maybe some political figures which we won’t get into my opinion right now. And there might be a pimp or two that I don’t like, but can appreciate them as a human and try and find compassion for what made them the way they are and what drove them to such a life of crime.
I can only recall good memories as a child growing up. Getting into trouble or a fight as a child my mother would hear both sides. She would instruct me to not get too upset and consider that the other person might be going through something and enlightened me to compassion. My mum was a realist and aware that there were always two sides to the story. My mum has a theory that if someone is mean to you in a store there must be something going on in their life to make them that way.
I see the benefits of being positive. I believe that kindness can have a ripple effect like a pebble in water. If I am kind to one person, then they go out and are kind to 5 people, and those 5 people are kind to 5 more people…you get the idea. I have learned that life is way too short to be walking around with a doom and gloom attitude and a dark cloud over your head.
I have the ability to be around negative people without it changing my positivity. This could be from being with my husband for 20 plus years who is Russian and therefore naturally pessimistic. This is not a bad pairing, but a balancing one. In my cancer journey he has been my rock, and is the project manager in my new life. He talks to businesses and doctors, and manages my health care. He has to be less emotional and stoic, otherwise the frustrations of the ins and outs of my care could overwhelm him to shut down.
Life has been good for me, I have had a wonderfully happy life where I was loved, supported, and financially stable. Stress from the lack of or needing something never was a concern for me. I believe in love privilege – that having consistent support can make life easier – and am passionate in spreading that love. We all deserve love, which in my opinion is a basic human right.
I also believe that the feeling of being protected gives us a sense of safety, which creates a positive outlook on life. There are so many young men in a jail that I volunteer at for pet therapy that are overwhelmed with hate, depression, fear and anger. When I interact with them I realize that they were raised in fear, hate, anger, and sometimes poverty. I am not saying that poverty creates negativity, but it creates lack, which starts the vicious circle of fear, loss, anger etc.
When chatting with my mum we wondered if a society that praises little “bratty children” for being perfect in their parent’s eyes is not good for the next generation. My mum recalls when she was a child she was actually raised by her community, loved and punished by all around her. She says she respected her elders, and they cared for her. When I asked she said she felt safe, which supports my theory on safety creating positivity.
It is sad that I have to examine myself for something wrong with me because I am so positive. Really it should be the other way around.